Too little, too late

On the Difficulty of “Saying No” [trigger warning for the link]

It’s good to tell girls that it’s never too late to say “no.” But we must also teach our kids the importance of waiting for a “yes”—because by the time someone can say “no,” it may already be too late.


8 thoughts on “Too little, too late

  1. I think the quote is interesting, but that blog deserves no place in this campaign. It’s called The Sexist because it IS sexist. If you wonder why men feel threatened, look no further.

      • I wrote the first response. In her allegory, the word “man” or “male” appears to be synonymous with “prospective rapist.”

      • But it’s prospective rapist, not rapist. And the reality is that anyone could commit rape–even if that’s because they don’t set the bar high enough for consent. I agree that the author’s use of gender is problematic here, and that she really needed to go into a more thorough description of rape culture before making the point she’s trying to make. We’ll put up a post about rape culture soon, which is sure to generate some healthy controversy.

  2. “when your sex partner is stronger than you, older than you, more respected than you, more confident than you, or simply maler than you.” I feel that I should put in this quote as proof of my claim. She literally uses “maler” to mean “more likely to rape.”

  3. Look that quote that I put earlier. It is sexist. Plain and simple. If you replace “maler” with any ethnicity (i.e. “blacker”) you have a horribly racist comment. Why is it okay to say it about men?
    The answer is that it’s not.

    If you’re going to put up a link like this, give a disclaimer that you don’t fully agree with it. It’s a good lesson for life in general. That’s what I always do to prevent myself from being misunderstood. If you do fully agree with it, I feel offended and attacked.

  4. While I don’t fully agree with the author’s implication that acquaintance rape is always male on female, I think her analysis of the power dynamics involved in that particular situation is legitimate– and I agree with it. Saying “maler” cannot be equated with saying “blacker” because the point she is making is that the power dynamics inherent to the gender binary give men greater social power. The point I really appreciate on a personal level (because it is very much in alignment with my experience of sexual assault) is that inequalities in social power can be every bit as limiting as inequalities in physical power. So to take your analogy about race, it would be more appropriate to insert the word “whiter” here, which as a white person, would not offend me because it reflects an unfortunate social reality. This is not attacking men or white individuals for being male or white– none of us has control over the bodies we are given. However, I do feel we each have a responsibility when we enter into relationships with others to be aware of the possible social power we exert over them as a result of the culture and history in which we exist. Her statements in this article address a variety of social power inequalities– physical ability; age; community status; mental state; and yes, gender. I feel the underlying point that such power limits the ability to say “no” holds for “potential rapists” of all colors, sizes, abilities, genders, sexualities, etc.

    That was a bit academic (Gen/Sex Minor here) so if you would like clarification of what I mean in more concrete terms, comment back. I am eager to hear more of your thoughts on this.

    • I think that what you’re saying is very true. That being said, let’s confront the reality on the other side of the spectrum. The initial blog post was responding to this:

      Doesn’t that also just confront uncomfortable realities? It would be great if we could change them everywhere, but it’s better to educate people if they don’t want to change. I don’t agree with everything she says (especially the part about acting like “boys” and such), but I think she brings some valid points to the table. To completely dismiss it like the blog does seems just as wrong.

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